I Haven’t written in a while, its hard to focus on a page when you cant even get a moments silence in your own head.
Ever since the Xern I havent had a moments peace. I fear that i have looked into the abyss for far too long, and that instead of looking back it has taken up residence in my mind.
I no longer even know which voice is mine, but i know that some of them are not me. It was not my idea that saved my beloved but one from one of the voices. I don’t know where they come from, but they seem to contain a great amount of knowledge. much of it things i could have known, should have known.
The voices only grow louder when theres killing to be done. the only thing that seems to quiet them enough to allow me to focus is singing the tune of a lullaby that my mother sang to me. even with the song to focus on its getting harder and harder to drown them out. one day i fear i will not be able to any longer.
but these are thoughts for another day. Fate may have a different path for me. for while i wait in the damp airless crypt of a city the greatest foe I have ever faced waits for our small ragged band. we know nothing of him, and he knows nearly everything about us.
Our options are as limited as our resourses and our time is even more limited then that. I doont know many thing about what my immediate future holds, but what i do know is that between the foe and I, only one of us will be walking away from this fight alive. In my days, i have heard bards say that the pen is mightier than the sword. None of them have ever seen me swing one before. and the foe will be getting a first hand taste of that.
I have prepared myself for the even that I will have to sacrifice myself to ensure the groups survival. My will is in the possesion of Laji. Kara is safe back in Karsis and the city is preparing itself for the event that we fail. I have made my peace with myself and my deeds. I am ready for what the morrow may bring.